I hate feeling.
I hate it more than anything.
Feeling should die.
Caring should die.
Innocence should die.

Maybe I'm just mad because of the fact I can't cry anymore.
That all the sacrifices I ever made, were not worth it.
That this life is nothing but a huge disappointing lie.
It could be the fact that the one person I dared to trust.
I hurt more than anything, and the fact that no apology could make it up.
It's disgusting, I want to believe in so much but all the pain.
It holds me back, and that is why I am the most horrid of them all.
I don't want what I know is so true to be real.
I rather it be a fairytale, so I don't have to admit I was hurt for it.
It may make no sense to you or anyone.
I could be a raving lunatic.
But, look at it from my view.
I care about people more than anything.
I care for those who don't deserve it.
I love those who could never understand what I am.
Who I am.
I feel like all of this, this whole thing.
Is just a ploy.
Like everyone sees but they never truly see.
And the only person that does.
I turned away. I tried to convince there was no such thing.
Maybe in hope that I would also convince myself.

I'm a screwed up person, I might be the worst.
It doesn't matter. I know what I did,
and like everything I've ever done or felt.
I'm willing to let it wash through me.
To be just another block in the pile.
Another block closer to my own destruction.
After the pile falls. After I destroy everything I am.
I might be human. I might feel what everyone else feels.
I might be able to act like they do.
To not care, not truly.

If I can't be that,
I don't want to be anything.
The worthless deserve to be nothing.